Baby Hitler

For a few months my infant son had a funny hairdo that most people thought looked cool in a skater-punk kinda way, but it kept reminding me of Hitler's combover. I realized when I joked about this that most people were incredibly uncomfortable with me comparing my son whatsoever with Hitler, and I'd sometimes question this discomfort. Hitler did some incredibly evil things, no questions, no doubts, World War II had a devastating impact on my own family and I'm no holocaust denier.

I do but wonder though, was he an absolutely evil person in every way? Was he born evil? Or is it possible that we all have a kernels of evil in us that given the right circumstances, could render us evil dictators of the worst kinds? I'd like to think I'd never kill anyone, never rape anyone, never circumcise baby girls, never be a fascist, but I think the truth is that most of us could find ourselves doing these things given different circumstances than where we stand now.

Many people don't know that before Hitler became active in politics, fascism and war, that he aspired to be an artist and was rejected from art school numerous times. One has to wonder, how different would history be if he had been accepted into art school? It's hard to say, since racist and fascist sensibilities were growing among much of the Eastern European communities at the time, these grim ideals were not Hitler's creation, though he did do much to propagate and promote them. This picture here, of these flowers, this is one of his, as is this picture of a dog. He liked to draw buildings and landscapes as well, and he was apparently devastated by the art school rejections.

Hitler apparently had a loving, nurturing mother and an abusive, cold and tyrannical father. However, when reading about his childhood I couldn't see anything spectacularly horrible that could explain the horrible things he'd grow up to do, I mean many people have screwed up, violent childhoods and don't become violent hate mongers. Then again, kids who are abused, and even just spanked, are more likely to end up in prisons for violent crimes and abusing their spouses and children. He had a rough childhood in some regards, clearly had some misdirected leadership skills, was unfortunately an extremely effective public speaker, who existed in a volatile time and place.

Are people born evil or good, are any of my children for instance, inherently evil or mother Theresa's in the making, or is it circumstances, time and place, divine plans, flukes of chaos, that people who change the world for good or for bad? Of course we hope as parents that providing a nurturing, attentive and loving home for our children that they will grow up to be kind, decent people with a solid sense of right and wrong. But what if war, extreme economic strife or famine strikes, and people are desperate and there are sides to take, weapons to hold, and fanaticism, for a time becomes a common theme? On the little rural hippy dippy island I live on we can be confident that our children will not become violent gangsters, Nazis, terrorists. But I live in a small idyllic community that does not reflect the world at large, and I also have no illusions that myself, nor my children, are better than anyone else's children, they are just lucky to be born here and now, where we are.

Was Hitler evil from birth? I don't think so. We all have kernels of goodness and kernels of darkness in us, and somehow, his dark seeds took over and he was a natural leader for a hateful movement that was rampant in his culture, he didn't create that evil, though he certainly thrived on it.

Is it so terrible to note that my son's hair reminded me of Hitler's? Only if I believe that Hitler's hair was itself, evil. His mustache evil. His very name, evil. But I don't. I think we all have some of his same type of darkness in our hearts as well, but most of us are lucky to live in times and places where these seeds are not fertilized and watered enough to become a dominate part of our nature.

I think Hitler could've gone a different path, had he been encouraged, as an artist, to stick to drawing flowers, buildings and puppies.

I'm hoping that the world stays a peaceful place where I live, that my children's and grandchildren's lives are free of war and rampant strife. I hope that if things aren't so peaceful, that my children do not end up being people that find "solutions" that harm and kill and torture, that further the causes of hate and evil. I hope that my parenting choices are the right ones for the future they have before them, and that they will thrive as decent people in whatever societies they will find themselves in.

These modified photos of my boy are a few months old, I cut that comb-over off and he no longer reminds me of a baby Hitler. He is sweet and adorable, gentle and soft. I'm sure though, that Baby Hitler was too, once.

weeds

This is the most beautiful thing I've ever read about plants, it really touched me where I live:

Weeds serve as an icon to outcasts and misfits, representing the outlaw nature of all things strong, wild and hellbent on not only surviving, but
proliferating. If we cannot find it in our hearts to love them we can at least step back and respect their tenacity and intelligence as inspiration in our own species’ quest to adapt and thrive. - Kiva Rose from her article "The Nettle Seed
Rebellion Outlaw Plants and Their Progeny"

Her site is worth a visit if you have any interest in plant medicines and herbs

Iranian-American musicians, artists, and filmmakers united in keeping the struggle for freedom alive.

Please watch this and listen, it's gorgeous musically, and it captures something special about the hearts of those who believe in a changed Iran via protest.

Freedom, Glory, Be Our Name” is dedicated to the people of Iran and the citizens of the world who stand with them.

On Aging

I have never been afraid of getting old, or looking old. I'm afraid of dying young so that I don't have a chance to get old. I've imagined myself as an old lady who has beautiful herb and flower gardens, old books, goats and chickens and herbal tinctures. In my image of myself as an old crone, or baba yaga, my eyes twinkle with wisdom and kindness, I am strong and a keeper of worldly secrets.


I imagine myself as a grandmother too, I am sure that if I am healthy enough to live to see this phase of life that it will be an incredible joy. Somewhere, I read a quote that went sorta something like "the older we get, the more precious life becomes" and I hope that instead of being cantankerous and riddled with angry dementia I appreciate life, and all of it's wonder.

This is what I want to be when I finally grow up. Alas, I have not always taken care of my health so well, I've drank too much, smoked too much, my respiratory system is not the strongest. I eat pretty healthy but there's room for some improvement. A fascinating part of Taoism for many of it's practitioners is an emphasis on longevity, an angle of Taoism I have yet to examine much but one that I will read more about soon. In the meantime, I am recently inspired to take better care of myself so that I have a better shot at growing up into the beautiful old baba yaga that I aspire to be.

I should be eating a simpler diet, much less sugar, doing Tai Chi at least once every day if not twice, slowing down and avoiding stress, drinking plenty of simple herbal teas, spending more time quietly meditating and going for regular walks through the forests and along the beaches, both abundant in this natural gem of a spot where we live. I believe the key to developing my own inner wisdom is to speak less and listen to the world more, and so practising conscious silence will result in the development of the kind of wisdom that I seek both inside myself, and out in this universe that we live in.

What about you, what kind of old person do you see yourself as, or are you like my husband, where you don't want to think about it, and find aging to be a dreadful human condition?

Here comes 3 again

Soon Sara will be three.

I'm no good at three.

Three was when I realized I am frequently impatient and an easily angered parent.
Three was when I learned that as much as I thought I was fine with my shitty ass childhood, as stoic as I was in my pride that I'd done so well for myself without any therapy, well, I learned that I have some work to do if I truly want to be "over it", in order to avoid passing on that garbage to my kids.

When Emma was little I thought I had it all dialed, two was a breeze, parenting was usually pretty easy and fun, and then...dun DUN DUN DUN...she turned three. We had Sara around then too so it was all extra crazy for Emma then, but I also learned that this preschool thing brings out my own crazy. I am not past all the crazy shit I experienced as a kid, it is triggered multiple times a day when parenting three year olds.

When Sara was born, I got to appreciate the joy of mothering a newborn again, and I loved her instantly, however the innocence of the first time around parenting deal was long gone and the thought occurred to me that she would be three one day. That day is coming very soon, her birthday is in a few weeks and she's already acting 3, and the three business is going to grow, there's much more to come.

In Harville Hendrix's Giving The Love That Heals he talks about how parents get stuck when their children reach ages and stages where the parents were themselves emotionally crippled, or delayed as children. His entire approach to therapy is based on healing childhood hurts by moving through those phases, which to be honest, sounded pretty much like extremely uncomfortable psycho babble, despite the fact that I know there's some truth and wisdom to be found in these writings of his.

I'm sure 3 was rough for me. Apparently, my mother was pretty responsible and cared for me with great devotion until I was 2, and then she lost her grip and lost functionality as a parent, from then on I was passed around my family again and again over 11 times before I was 7. I'm not sure who I lived with, or where when I was 3. I am sure that it was a wacked time and that my living situation was disruptive and unstable, most likely I was not living a settled and safe life.

I also know that 3 is difficult for many parents, regardless of what they lived through as children. The Mothering Gentle Discipline board is frequently littered with posts from frazzled mothers of 3 yr olds, mothers who want to parent gently, peacefully, un-coercively within varying degrees, yet they really hit a brick wall at this stage with their children. Is it possible that children who are parented in an AP type way might need to work harder to separate themselves from their mothers, to sever their emotional dependence in order to grow into their own independence? There's some of my own psychobabble, and a theory I've thought up when I read Attachment Parenting type discipline conversations vs the more mainstream parenting boards where the parents seem to get into power struggles earlier with their children, and later, but not so much in the 3rd year.

Whatever the causes and reasons and various ways that parents deal with 3 year olds and 3 year olds deal with parents, I find it to be a challenging time and it's beginning again. I hope that I move through this age with more grace and patience than I did the last time, this is my important work in this season of parenting and personal growth. I get to have another go at this, my little teachers, my little treasures. I really want to do better this time.

A Year Ago

A year ago today, after a peaceful day and night of birthing, we got to meet this beautiful little boy.

A year later, he is one sweet adorable guy, he gives great hugs, his smiles are easy coming, his sisters can't help but love him.

He's pretty mellow, we have to work harder to get him to laugh then we did with the girls, but he doesn't freak out and cry so much either. He's just not a really emotionally reactive guy, he's got a calm, sweet disposition that makes parenting him a dream.

His favorite song is this version of Hava Nagila on accordion, and he likes to watch the sky for birds. He calls me mama, and he says mama when he wants more of something too.

Thank you, sweetness, precious boy, thank you for being my son. Thank you for making our world so incredible with your adorable antics. Thank you for this past year and for being you.

They are so BRAVE I could cry

I am so impressed with the bravery of the Iranian people. I've been following the #IranElection twitterings and I believe this is an amazing thing that is happening, some Iranians are learning that many people in the west care about them and that we are not the great Satan after all, this is amazing!

Now I read rumors that Hezbollah and Hamas members are working to suppress and oppress the Iranian protesters, which makes me wonder, which is stronger to these members, hatred towards the West and Israel, or love for their fellow Muslims? Do they notice how much support the American people, and the West in general, or offering up to these young Muslims in Iran? Is the government in Iran hiring foreigners to harm the youth of Iran?

And young Iranians, I hope you understand that a good many of the Americans supporting you online, on twitter, and throughout the world are Jewish.

May all of this somehow result in some overall change in the relations between all of these different perceptions within, and without and between the west and the middle east.

You Iranians putting yourselves out there in a situation that is sure to be dangerous and increasingly violent, you are so brave I could cry. You represent something amazing about humanity, optimism, hope, brightness, community and love. All my love from the Canadian West Coast.

Homeschooling Report #10 (final for the "kindergarten" year)

I got behind in writing reports, these have been busy times! Unschooling and starting up a family business are fairly compatible. These first two pictures show her helping the painting crew as we prepared to open.

These are just me elaborating on the school's homeschooling facilitator's "report card" elements. We've been unschooling all along, but we are registered with the school which financially benefits both us (budget for cool learning materials), and the school, part of this arrangement is that Julie, our facilitator, converts our reports on our kids into curriculum speak for the government.

Personal Planning
Emma has a vision where she's going to sell painted handmade origami tents in order to save enough money to buy a girl hamster so that she can breed hamsters to experience "pinkies". She gets into quite elaborate plans that involve months of time, she's been planning the gifts she wants to get Sara for her birthday for months now.


Activity / Wellness (health, fitness, sports and recreation, physical activities, gardening, nutrition)
Trail hikes through the woods
Her own little gardens
Regularly picks berries, tree fruits, herbs and greens from our gardens and trees, and is aware of numerous edible plants in the wild
Was very into skipping rope for half of the year
Beach exploration and glass/shell collecting


Communication and Languaging (reading, writing, speaking, listening, viewing)
taught herself to read this year
She has a surprising number of words she knows by sight now that she doesn't need to sound out, all the common ones like; the, was, to, it, she, mommy, daddy, dog, cat etc, I don't know how many but I'm going to guess it's about 50. She can write quite a few words by memory too.



Numeracy / Math / Logic and Analytical Thinking
She has over 60 my little ponies and keeps immaculate track of each one, notices if one is missing, knows all of their names and places within their communities. I'd say she has a very good understanding of numbers up to the number 60. With some slight hinting she can count to 100. I introduced long addition to her one day and she helped me solve 12+12 that way.

Science / Environment / Nature
has helped plant deer-proof flowers in the yard and veggies in a garden
enjoys caring for her pet hamster
Grew a mold farm with different kinds of mold on different kinds of food
Has a microscope and examines things regularly on it, makes slides
Catches, observes and learns about insects every time she goes outside
Finds nature objects regularly such as a deer spine, a dead bird, seaweed
Knows a decent number of edible wild plants
Likes to mix up various substances to create various concoctions
Went through a phase of being interested in molecules, learned that matter takes form as solids liquids and gasses, we did dances to demonstrate molecular motion slowing and speeding
Raised Triopes and sea monkeys(brine shrimp)
Learned about life cycles with regards to living and dying


Social Studies / Humanities / History
Understands that there are wars in some places, poor people in some places
Learned that first nations people lived here first, and some learning about how they lived by reading numerous native legends stories

Cultural Connections / Second Language
Emma was obsessed with a song called "Good Company" and listened to it endlessly on youtube. She listened to it in many different languages there as well, Hungarian, Hebrew, Spanish, Swedish, and her favorite was Finnish, she learned to sing some of it in Finnish as well.

Creativity / Artistic Expression and Appreciation
enjoys doing origami
continues to self teach herself piano and can play with two hands now
paints or draws prolifically every day
makes inventions out of things, combines found objects and attaches them to each other using elastics, glue, paper clips, safety pins
Has become passionate about customizing her ponies with markers, paint, glue and scissors

Tools for Living ("Livingry") / Technology / Economics (life skills, career awareness)
is quite good at navigating a variety of websites including youtube, the my little pony site, and a variety of other sites she frequents.
has learned about veterinary medicine by taking a sick dog for veterinary care, and having an ill rat put down.
Makes her own food on a regular basis
Has learned immensely about what it takes to start a business as we've launched two recently. She's been part of the process the entire time, whether it was helping to paint it, observing us plan the cafe menu, learning to behave differently here for the benefit of customers and much much more.

Philosophy / Ethics / Personal
This has been a major year for social development for Emma. She really wants to be with her friends learning about socialization as much as possible, and I think she's developing her sense of philosophy/ethics/personal as she learns about who she is in relation to, and apart from others.

Well the school year is coming to an end. As unschoolers, our season of learning has no beginning and no end, and as much learning will happen in the summer as happens during the spring, fall and winter. Our reports will end for now, and resume in the Fall.

Tip Jars for Baristas

So we've opened up a little espresso & crepe cafe, it's a take out place, people place their orders at a little window, we make their coffees and crepes to go, or to stay on the patio, but they do take their food and drinks to their tables themselves.

It never occurred to me *not* to have a tip jar, we aren't making enough money to pay more than minimum wage, and I've always tipped at coffee shops so I assumed most people do. I decided to have fun with our tip jars and went online to look for silly tipping quotes to attach to it when I encountered a whole lot of blog posts and published articles by people who strongly disagree with tip jars at take out places of any kind, including espresso coffee shops where a barista is making their coffees. I found a couple of articles by people who believe making coffee is no different than flipping burgers at your typical fast food chain. These articles written by people who clearly have no personal experience working in these kinds of places, and who have little understanding of what goes into making an exceptional cup of coffee. So, the do-gooder that I apparently am, I'm going to put this out there to try and help some readers understand why tip jars at a take out window where a barista is making coffee is a given.

First of all, why do we tip, at least here in North America? To Insure Prompt Service. To take it even further, I would say that people should tip wherever they hope for excellent service involving food or beverages, and where they hope for any degree of special attention to their product. My husband and I both worked in the bar industry, and most bars offer waitress service, or people essentially "take out" their drinks from the bar counter, and yet bartenders almost always have tip jars and expect to get tipped for the drink they make. In the bar industry, tippers are treated better, their drinks are poured stronger, made better, the bartender will try and remember what the regular tipper likes to drink and how they like it. The tips earn that customer special treatment, faster service, something extra. If things get really busy the tippers will get served first, and the non tippers will have to wait.

Well, the making of an espresso coffee has much in common with the making of a martini or cocktail. I had no idea, until I watched our incredibly talented baristas, how much goes into making these coffees! There are international barista competitions, there is a precise way to tamp the grounds to avoid bitterness, elaborate techniques to adjust the grinds/water temperature/steam the milk, there are barista magazines, endless barista courses and seminars they can take to master their skills. These things the general public may not realize, unless you've worked as a barista in a coffee shop that prides itself on providing excellent coffees, or unless you're a customer who appreciates an extra good coffee. If a barista puts extra care into your coffee, the coffee will taste a million times better than if the barista doesn't care and just slaps it together. If we as a society tip bartenders even though we carry our own drinks to our tables, we should absolutely tip baristas who make each individual espresso coffee, particularly if we appreciate an excellent cup of coffee vs. any old cup of coffee.

Now, I've worked in the service industry for a long time off and on and I have no problem with tipping in general, though I can agree that there are tip jars in a few places that have me lifting my eyebrow. However if it's students working there, or, if I get excellent friendly service by anyone anywhere I shop and there's a tip jar I don't mind tossing in some change. So in general, I have no hostile feelings towards tip jars in any variety of places really, but I want more people to understand that with coffee specifically, custom made espresso coffees are on par with the making of martinis and cocktails, or pouring the perfect tap beer, or serving a soda and sandwich to a table. Tip your barista~!

Busy Summer

Well, I've complained about how busy my husband's real estate career is, and well life has gotten much busier for all of us. He got his managing broker's license and opened up his own office, AND we've opened up a little espresso and crepe cafe.

Isn't that a fun picture of Christopher Walken floating in space? I have a strange attraction to the old dude.

Anyways, it's been rough at times, three kids 5 and under, no daycare or school so they're pretty full on and we've started two businesses that we've sunk our souls and every penny into. It's kind of a dream, this cafe. I've mentioned that I was once a DJ and I'm thrilled to have a venue where I can once again impose my musical tastes on others, it's a groovy little place and some great people have been our first customers. There's lots that's great about it all, but it's also kinda hard on our little family. This summer is going to be BUSY...hopefully we make enough money to get ourselves out of the sizable hole we've gotten ourselves into, and hopefully we have some fun too.

Playground Politics

As a mom of three young kids in this era of hyper parenting, I've recognized two categories of parents at public playgrounds/playplaces.

1) There are the parents who believe that UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES should ANYONE, ANYWHERE dare to EVER, E-V-E-R go up a slide, slides are ONLY for going DOWN on.

2) Then there's everyone else, who fit somewhere on a sliding scale of reasonability.

Our rules on this matter are that we only allow slide-going-upping if no one else is on it waiting to go down, we understand that slide-going-downers have priority. It's happened in a few instances where my children are happily climbing UP a slide, as that first category of parents loudly proclaim to their children, with voices aimed in our direction, that slides are ONLY FOR GOING DOWN ON. Then they give us the hairy eyeballs, for not following their rules, for demonstrating to their over-controlled children that SOMETIMES their parents rules are not absolute.

Thankfully it seems that in most places we frequent, we encounter the second category of parents, and it's simply a matter of finding our mutually reasonable solution if we need to step in and help the kids to play safely and kindly.

I was inspired to write this by Dani's "Parents That I Can't Stand Series". Hers is a hoot because I figure most of us fit in there somewhere, I found myself in there as the Burnout Mom. Don't go in there if you're feeling easily offended, but otherwise, she has 6 KIDS and a great sense of offensive style humor.

Any of you get the hairy eyeball at the playgrounds for anything like this? Or, are you a firm believer that no one should ever go up a slide?

Afternoon Cocktails

I believe in early afternoon cocktails - Popular Online Mom & Blogger, Sweetney

These past couple of weeks I've discovered how effective the afternoon cocktail is at turning a worn out, frazzled grumpy momma frown upside down. I've also discovered, by talking to other moms, how common this little afternoon habit is.

I wonder, kind reader, if you think antidepressants are more appropriate for stay at home mothers who have a hard time coping with challenging seasons in their lives, or if a regular afternoon cocktail is a suitable alternative? Why do pharmaceutical solutions seem more proper? Do you sip on something on many an afternoon?

No slams or lectures please, save that drama for yo mama. And I'm not talking about drunkeness. FWIW, I'm also not personally concerned about addiction, I worked in the bar industry for years, as a bartender, waitress and a DJ, needless to say I've done some serious drinking in the past and had no problem walking away from that when it was time to do so. There's lots of cultures where people regularly drink with meals, this is the kind of low key, one glass of something drinking that I'm talking about.

The Rockage and Suckage of Motherhood, a Tag

I've been tagged, and so here I go, thanks to my friend Tanya at
I Should Be Napping



Being a Mom Rocks Because…
1. While staying true to my husband, I've been able to fall madly, passionately, deeply and fully in love three more times.
2. Life is never boring, and I am in the center of lots of action.
3. I am inspired to be the best person that I can be, to get past my shit, to become conscious of my impact on those I love. I was a selfish knucklehead before I became a mother.
4. I have really cool mom friends, and have more in common with women than I felt I did before motherhood.
5. I have gained so much wisdom through the awesome experience of raising children. My former cynicism towards humanity has been replaced with some optimistic faith in the goodness of the human spirit and in the cycles of life, creation, the universe, and the mother source of it all.

Being a Mom Sucks Because…
1. I am obligated to be so freakin' responsible, which occasionally sucks when I miss my former party days and rock and roll night life.
2. I have so much baggage from my rotten childhood and I am forced to see what a big mean bum I can be, I am very hard on myself and the regular momma guilt I heap upon myself is a source of great suffering.
3. I miss some of my old friends who stopped relating to me much once I had kids. Some of them, I just don't have much in common with currently, and I've felt some sadness over this.
4. I miss my husband, this intense attachment parenting style thing we're doing and how close in age and young the kids are has put much of our marital situation on hold. We'll be alright, we're in this for the long haul and we still have much love and attraction for each other, but the children do come first with us and this sucks in these intense days sometimes. I look forward to zipping away for a weekend sometime, just he and I.
5. There's so many interests and hobbies of mine that I don't have time to really delve into, however, like #4, it's just this intense time that I'm in, once the kids are just a few years older I know I'll have much more time and space to pursue my own interests.

Hey, you, Momma blogger reading this, Tag, You’re It!